leave
i am sorry for being so shitty on your birthday, i am so moody. i feel full of rage and i don't know why. these months have been so hard and i know you care about me more than anyone else, and it's so hard to pretend to be happy for someone else's sake now... it used to be so easy before. but i'm so incredibly tired, i cannot perform for other people anymore, i don't want to exist. i wish death could take this away.
yesterday i told for the first time some of the things that happened to a friend, face to face, she cried. she was so upset. i've never seen her like this before. was it so fucked up? i feel so full of rage and pain. i am so sad. no one can carry this for me. i don't want to carry it either. am i going to feel this after every therapy session that involves you? god i hope not.
i don't need this
i wish someone could take it away
just let me rest, i hate it
i hate feeling full of rage
i don't even want to go back anymore, i just want it to be over.
a veces me gustarÃa tener amnesia. asà podrÃa ser mejor para ti. asà podrÃa amarte como lo mereces. lo siento tanto.
por favor ten piedad conmigo. es todo tan difÃcil, no puedo cargar con tanto, por favor llévatelo, odio tanto rogar, pero estoy desesperada, te lo ruego, besarÃa tus pies y te adoraria toda mi vida si tan solo te llevaras todo esto contigo. por favor ten piedad.
solo era una niña.
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woke up from a nap.
i want to intertwine our hands again and massage your fingertips while i watch your face. i like holding your hands because it helps me calm down. can we do that again? how could i ask you to do something like that without sounding like a weirdo?